Men urged to stand up and be counted

Men Stand Tall, a registered non-profit company (NPC), that promotes men’s health, including mental health, is continuing to turn the spotlight on issues affecting men, especially during November, which is also known as “Brovember”.

The NPC kicked-off its November programme with an identity dialogue with 130 Grade 6 and 7 pupils from Lantana Primary in Lentegeur on Monday November 4.

Eastridge resident André Schaffer, who runs his own electrical company, encouraged the boys through sharing his story of growing up in Lentegeur and persevering against all odds.

Dennis Stander, founder of Men Stand Tall, also motivated the pupils to value themselves and not get involved in activities that will diminish their identity and dreams, and destroy their future.

"We wanted to let them know that where they are now does not mean that it is where they will stay or determine how far they will go in life,“ he said.

Ryan Crouse, deputy principal of Lantana Primary, said dialogues with boy children, like the one hosted at the school by Men Stand Tall, are crucial in laying a strong mental health foundation in children at an early age.

“Whatever we learn, we learn in our formative years and our experiences are entrenched at primary school level. Our community is riddled with boys who have become men who beat their wives because they resent what their mothers have done to them and emulate their fathers beating their mothers during their childhood years.

“All human beings are emotional beings. We need to recognise and acknowledge that men and fathers are just as important as mothers.

“Society has put that pressure on males that ‘cowboys don’t cry’, but boys must learn to express themselves from an early age.

“If you don’t mourn, you don’t deal with the grief. What happens to that grief and trauma? We end up with men becoming violent and beating their women and children, but if they are able to mourn and grieve, they can manage their emotions better and we will have healthier men in our society,” Mr Crouse said.

Mr Crouse, who has been in education for 27 years, is also one of the founders of the sports development organisation, Unchain the Plain.

He said boys need to hear their fathers and uncles share stories of their upbringing and life experiences so that they can in turn know that they have an identity, that they belong and feel validated.

“We cannot deny that there is a lack of father figures and good role models in communities. Our boys are growing up in environments in which gangsters are often praised and idolised.

“Those of us of Unchain the Plain all grew up in Tafelsig, Eastridge and Beacon Valley. When I tell the boys at my school my story and that my brother died on the streets of Tafelsig because he was a gangster, they find it hard to believe. They cannot imagine that we know what they go through.

“This is why men need to share their stories with their sons and nephews. It is difficult in our modern society with the presence of social media, for fathers and uncles who are hard at work seven days to socialise with their boys.

“We need our men to connect with our boys at family gatherings and play a simple game of dominoes with them. Boys need to hear their fathers praising them when they do something right as it builds their character and helps them know that someone is in their corner,” he said.

Encouraging parents, especially fathers to play active roles in their children’s lives, Mr Crouse said boys need their guidance during their teenage years.

“When we go to the soccer clubs the parents of the junior players are always there. But when they get older, the parents don’t come to their matches anymore. It is the same at school – parents show up when their kids are at primary school but not when they get to high school. And that’s the time when the boys are more emotional and need their parents most.

“As men, we need to realise that our boys and our girls, depend on us for guidance, protection and affection. It is not always easy for men to show affection, but we need to be there and stand up and be counted for the ones who depend on us.”

Men Stand Tall ended the week’s activities with a dialogue at the Schools Environmental Education and Development’s (Seed) Rocklands Urban Abundance Centre, at Rocklands Primary on Friday November 8.

The theme for both dialogues was “What’s Your Story?”. Friday’s dialogue, which was attended by a few Mitchell’s Plain men, unpacked what it means to be a man, societal views of manhood, and "being the man of the house“.

The men also discussed power dynamics and what it means to relent their power and authority.

Mr Stander thanked the men for sharing their stories and truths, without prejudice or judgement.

“It is important for us as men to talk about the various definitions of being a man, including the societal cultural views on this.

“We're still navigating around this but what was encouraging is that we're beginning to realise how important our stories are.

“We're sharing to heal together and to be accountable to each other,“ Mr Stander said.