Bizarre sex records

By Sharon Gordon

THERE is just so little research done on female sexuality. This includes the research on our body parts, how medication affects us, orgasms or the lack of orgasms, vaginismus and menopause. We are slowly starting. Imagine my surprise when I came across the wildest sex records.

For a bit of fun this week I thought I’d share them. The disclaimer is I’m not sure they have been verified and if so how. We all know that when it comes to matters of sex most of us lie.

Just think about the illusive number. Men increase the number of sexual encounters they’ve had and women, we decrease the number.

Let’s start with the most dangerous sex position. Reverse Cowgirl Position. While extremely pleasurable for us women, take it easy. According to a study in Advances in Urology, researchers found that nearly half of penile fractures (yes, the penis can break) happened with women being on top, especially the Reverse Cowgirl.

Many of you have been to Thailand where sex toys are banned but shooting ping pong balls out of your vagina is entertainment. Go figure. The next World record is the World’s Strongest Vagina.

It is alleged, and I would have loved to be in the audience that in 2009, Tatyana

Kozhevnikova, set the unofficial record for vaginal weightlifting. My first thought – how did she train? She alleges that it took 20 years of Kegel exercises to achieve this record.

She lifted 14kg with her vagina. This was achieved by inserting a wooden egg into her vagina which I presume was then attached to the weights. I’m desperate to know who attached the weights.

This record has been confirmed. It’s the World's Most Fertile Woman. Think puppy farm. I’m not sure she was going for a record but there you have it. In the 18th century a Russian woman, name unknown, gave birth to 69 children. She didn’t adopt or foster them – she birthed them.

The number was made up of 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets. Maybe she didn’t have so much sex but rather was very good at producing multiple eggs at a time. Fortunately, it was the 18 th Century so private school education wasn’t a thing.

I do wonder how they kept them all fed and clothed. This record is one for the men. I’ve heard about comparing penis size and masturbating in a circle, but I wonder how many of you have participated in this particular competition.

The record for the World’s Most Extreme Ejaculation is a distance of 571.75cm. That’s almost 6 metres. His name is Horst Schultz. He is also alleged to hold the record for the fastest ejaculation.

This being 7.5 km per hour. At this stage I’m on the floor imagining a Metro Cop with that gun thing they measure speed with. I wonder how far away he had to stand. Maybe 7 metres away.

I’m exhausted just thinking about the next two records.

The World’s Longest Self-Love session. It’s a polite way of saying masturbation session. His name is Masanobu Sato and he works for Tenga, a sex toy manufacturer, in Japan. As it happens Lola Montez sells their products.

Sato won the annual Masturbate-a-thon fundraiser, an event created to destigmatize solo sex and self-pleasure. Oh, please someone organise one here.

The record he set was nine hours and 33 minutes. Making him a world class wanker.

I wonder how many paintings Picasso has painted with his penis in one day?

Let’s get to the World’s most Orgasms in an hour. I can barely push out one a week and here we have world records.

While the most orgasms for a man in one hour has been recorded at 16, the Centre for Marital and Sexual Studies in California recorded 134 orgasms from a single woman in one hour. The most ever documented.

I’m wondering if this was on her own with her favourite vibrator or with a partner? And then what did she do with the rest of the day?

The largest collection of condoms is made up of 2 077 different types from around the world and was owned by an Italian, Amatore Bolzoni. He passed away in 2007 leaving his collection to his son. I wonder who I should leave my adult toy collection to on my passing.

The most couples kissing at one time was 13 577 pairs, meaning 27 154 people were kissing at once. This record was set on May 17 2014, where the couples gathered at Carnival in Sao Paulo, to make out with each other. I think it’s time to do this again.

The Guinness World Record, so this one is official, for the longest sex duration is 15 hours, seven minutes, and 23 seconds, which was achieved by a Nigerian man in 2013. I’m unsure if this was with one partner or several. I’m also not sure if he had to keep taking those blue pills to keep it up. I also want to know who watched it.

This record is most coveted, even more so than breaking the 100m sprint at the Olympics. You’ve guessed it, The World’s Biggest Penis.

There is some dispute about who is the true holder of this coveted record. Jonah Falcon was considered to have the world’s largest penis, clocking in at 24.13 flaccid and 34.29cm when erect. In recent years, a challenger from Mexico has come forth named Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, who claims to be the proud owner of a 48.26cm.

Surely someone should get out there and measure the monster and settle this dispute. Let’s leave you with one that has kept me giggling. A German, Thomas Vogel can open 56 bras in one minute. I keep wondering how he figured out how he had this particular skill. Until next week.

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